January Roundup: Using The WOW Factor & Planned Happenstance® to Find Your Strongest Life

A week ago, my cousin Jeanine posted this Facebook status: “January is passing by like a full bus!…A-A.” Heard in her distinct St. Lucian dialect, and imagined in the context of island life this is as good an editorial humor pick as you can find. It is also true. 2010 came out the gates, gangbusters, stamped itself in the annals of time with the catastrophic earthquake in Haiti. Now the month of January is moving on in the wake of record philanthropic giving via text messaging, followed by a sobering State of the Union address. This could be the defining moment of this new decade, a reminder of the capriciousness of life, and a shift towards the importance of community. It could also be an opportunity to rise out of the dust of crumbled economic structures to rebuild with eyes on a better, stronger future based on a real economy.

Times have changed, but then again we are back at a new frontier. Back to basics coupled with a need to learn how to make our new and emerging technologies work for us, not just be caught up with them. The aptitudes and verve called upon in facing uncertainties and opportunities are exactly the kinds of elements engaged in Planned Happenstance®, The WOW Factor, and Find Your Strongest Life. All three of these concepts are well treated in their own forums. Here we will present and use a few highlights to the theme for the past month, People that Matter: the people that are important to us, the people that need us; and the ones we sometimes forget in the equation--ourselves. First, we will look at The WOW Factor, the book and all of your New Year/New Decade verve, while they are fresh in circulation. We will also examine how it ‘fits’ (pun-intended) with Planned Happenstance®, and close out with Find Your Strongest Life.

The WOW Factor

Frances Cole Jones (FCJ) describes The WOW Factor as “developing habits, skills, and disciplines that will stand you in good stead regardless of the playing field.” As you get to know the author through her writing and her tweets you will learn that she is an accomplished marketing professional who takes conduct and polish seriously. The WOW Factor deals with the critical factors in making a strong, clear, and positive impression in professional and personal aspects of your life.

The WOW Factor begins with a fundamental, bracing concept:: “you can retrain your brain.” Don’t glaze over just yet. This is perhaps the most transformational finding of our time. Essentially, throw out the old aphorism ’you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” and replace it with the realization that life-long learning and adaptation is a reality. Ms. Jones reiterates a digest of scientific findings that “even small changes begin to retrain your brain...you teach yourself resilience.” Once you’ve fully embraced this ability to adapt continually the rest is just a matter of preparation and practice.

In the manner of a technical expert and personal coach, The WOW Factor, is a compendium of coaching advice, tips, and lists, easily navigated as a briefcase or desk reference. The WOW Factor covers every essential area of self-agency from soft skills to strategy, networking, and the gutsy ‘do it, delegate it, or delete it’. The AFGO approach has bite and summons your marketplace mystic warrior archetype. FCJ says, “life hands you many challenges and opportunities or as we call them in yoga AFGO - another freakin' growth opportunity.” AFGO defines your ‘frontier’ adapt-itudes--your aptitude for developing your ability to adapt), for example:

• Create your own structure.
• Pursue multiple interests.
• Don't wait for others to tell you you're qualified - trust yourself, back your own talent, push yourself to the limit of your potential.
• What other people think about your choice is none of your business.
• When you encounter negative press FCJ offers a clarifying question: does this person motivate and stimulate me to be my best?

The key to troubleshooting and honing The WOW Factor rests on two things:

1. To succeed in communication sometimes you want to stand out, and sometimes you want to fit in.
2. Favor the moment - every encounter is an opportunity to strengthen your connections, develop your personal database, burnish image, further your dream.

The WOW Factor empowers your traditional knowledge, skills, and interest inventories with strategies. Its format works well as an executive companion to Planned Happenstance® which stresses “creating and transforming unplanned events into opportunities for learning."

Planned Happenstance®

Most of what we learn about being human is distinguished by studies of outliers. On a spectrum of either being unbreakable--resilient, or shatter to pieces with each breath (grossly exaggerated for emphasis)--debilitating; somewhere between making all the right decisions with perfect timing, and screwing up every chance you get is what is considered normal--human. In Social psych you learn how much we are influenced by factors and forces in our environment; Cognitive psych gives a sobering appreciation of some of the human “hardware and processing issues” that affects our developmental possibilities. You also learn that typically when things happen to us we blame it on external factors, but see inherent faults in others when they are facing similar adversity. These perspectives gained from studying the two disciplines simultaneously was when I became a truly compassionate person.

Among the theories of change, happenstance theory appeared most relevant to the normalcy of being human. Originally proposed by John D. Krumboltz as a social learning model of career counseling (Serendipity is not Serendipitous) happenstance was revised to the Learning Theory of Career Counseling (LTCC), and finally along with Kathleen Mitchell developed into Planned Happenstance®.

If the goal of planned happenstance intervention is to assist clients to generate, recognize, and incorporate chance events into (life)/career development then consider the following:

As companies, employees, displaced workers, and graduates respond to economic threats and realities, counselors face the inexorable challenge of directing and redirecting the lives and careers of the workforce and their families. A significant change in the employment marketplace is the outsourcing trend which is shifting numerous manufacturing and technology jobs to countries outside the United States (US). As a new wave of lucrative products and services have yet to emerge and replace the plateau-ed technology and “dot-com” era, masses of displaced workers in the US face the uncertainty of where to ply their skills and career aspirations.

Sounds familiar? It is perhaps even more relevant today as when written in grad school in the early 2000s. As well…

One of the consequences of the repeated breach of the psychological contract between employees and employers is a lasting, albeit minimalized, incongruence between employee values and organizational culture (Bocchino et al, 2003). No longer can organizations guarantee paternalistic values such as long-term employment, career advancement, and loyalty as they change strategies to meet global competition. Occupational insecurity among the workforce is a prevalent reality leading individuals to set aside idealism and be more pragmatic in career decisions (Zunker, 2002). Individuals in the employment marketplace must develop adaptable occupational orientations and be versatile in working in diverse employment settings in order to thrive. Mitchell et al (1999) makes clear that “traditional career counseling interventions are no longer sufficient to prepare clients to respond to career uncertainties.”

In essence, traditional “fit” theories focus on static profiles for determining fit into an ideal environment with work hygiene and motivational reinforcers no longer guaranteed in the changing workplace. Alternatively, Planned Happenstance® favors an opportunistic approach that meets the organizational culture and work requirements of flexible corporate strategies. Planned Happenstance® is to “fit” theory (person-environment-correspondence) what sculpting is to clay. The divergence of these two theories is the difference between being told “you can’t” versus “Anything of worth is possible once you decide to work for it.”(FCJ)

 

Find Your Strongest Life

There are fundamental concurrences between The WOW Factor, Planned Happenstance® and Find Your Strongest Life. You may have heard before, the point of all human striving is to be happy. What it takes to make us happy from one moment to the next is unique to each individual as their own finger print. There is no predetermined blueprint of what it will take to make us happy, and how quickly unexpected circumstances can change that blueprint (Haiti.) What we do know is that when we are “growing and learning, feeling effective and capable, when our needs are being fulfilled, and are instinctively looking forward to tomorrow,” then we can objectively say that we are happy. That, Marcus Buckingham identified as finding your strongest life.

Buckingham, author of Now, Discover Your Strengths and Find Your Strongest Life says, “identify your strengths, take them seriously, and offer them to the world." He also encourages you to “integrate may passions into one life.” Find Your Strongest Life is a sequel publication and includes the Strengths inventories from its predecessor the bestselling Now, Discover Your Strengths. For example, researching and writing this blog engages all of my key strengths which fell into easy acronyms: ACE, or ACET if I include interchangeable strengths A and T. Take the Strong Life Test to find out what the letters correspond to when you check them out for yourselves. Although written for women, I take the perspective shared by Hillary Clinton in saying that "where the well-being of women and girls are supported, growth and societal harmony ensues” (paraphrased). Basically, this is saying that finding your strongest life is relevant to both sexes, particularly for dual career/dual income relationships.

One thing has been evident to me for sometime, and was brought home in President Obama’s State of the Union address last Wednesday: things changed, we can’t go back to the way things were, yet moving forward is complex and requires full engagement with what life is calling forth from us. It calls for the self-agency of “Yes, we can,” the American spirit. There is every reason to feel energized and optimistic about our opportunities. Our ability to learn, grow, adapt, is unlimited and has no expiration date! The keys are to correctly read the signals from your environment, knowing how to and when to respond appropriately. The WOW Factor is that you can set yourself up for opportunities beyond your expectations, and transform the unexpected into your own ’reality’ challenge to demonstrate "adaptitude” and preparation. As well, we optimize resources when we join with others in support and collaboration. We cannot discount anyone in the process, no matter how inconsequential or vulnerable they appear to be. Each person you encounter or have connection with is a potential link to your fulfillment, be it to open a door, or help you unlock creativity through service.

That, my friends, concludes our January wrap-up. I didn’t mean to introduce so much in wrapping up previous topics, but it’s food for thought. That’s what we do here on DeepDish. In any case, it gears us up for our theme in February (will post in a week). I would love to hear from you. Have a great week and thank you for reading.

 

P.S. Speaking of food for thought, how do you like the new DeepDish avatar? It’s a representation of a Chihuly bowl from the SpiritVision© photo journal. Lots of symbolism.

Resources:

1. Haiti Earthquake Provokes Wave of Text Donations

2. State of the Union Address 2010

3. Jones, Frances Cole, The WOW Factor

4. Krumboltz, John D. (1998). Serendipity is not Serendipitous. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 45 (4). 390-392.

5. Joseph, G. E. Lois (2004), Stepping Out On Faith: Planned Happenstance &

Person-Enviroment Fit Factors in Vocational Development.

6. Gati, Itamar et al (1996). Using Career-Related Aspects to Assess Person-

Environment Fit. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 43 (2). 196-206.

7. Mitchell, Kathleen E. et al (1999). Planned Happenstance: Constructing

Unexpected Career Opportunities. Journal of Counseling & Development,

77 (2). 115-125.

8. Zunker, Vernon G. (2002). Career Counseling: Career Counseling: Applied

concepts of life planning. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks-Cole.

9. Buckingham, Marcus, Find Your Strongest Life.

10. Tavis Smiley Reports: One on One with Hillary Clinton

People That Matter: You Do

Conversational topics came up in the news and just as any meeting with like-minded friends this blog is 3 posts in--read that 3 hours--and we’ve barely gotten to introductions. That is exactly how I hoped to engage you, the reader, as the conversation unfolds. A lot can be deduced about a person in the course of conversation, by their interests, passions, and abilities. Yet its nice to be be acknowledged,1 and given the chance to speak for yourself. This post is about you. We invite you to sign up and join in the conversation.


About this blog: DeepDish--philosophical gossip. The title and description captures exactly the kind of conversation we hope this blog will live up to be. Like Moses’ tablet, Newton’s apple, and all inspirations delivered like a bolt from the blue, the task of coming up with a saucy, succinct, contemporary name and description for these topics of interest was solved late, late one night. Make that the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Craig was hosting the creative mind behind NPR’s Wait Wait Don‘t Tell Me. The short of it, Craig’s improv-honed comedic wit was quite a match for the respected radio host. DeepDish is one of the fruits of that encounter. I politely requested by-your-leave from Craig’s site while mulling over the suitability of the title and aim. (Thank you, Mr. Ferguson. Perhaps one day you might share some of your witty, funny, musings with us. Until then, I’ll stay tuned.)


For months I obsessed over how to launch the blog, what to write, and about you, the readership. Then inevitably on the first day of the year, in the new decade, like putting a freshly sharpened pencil to a clean page in a brand new notebook, the words ‘people that matter’ came. Words, the ideas behind words, how we use words are some of the things DeepDish is about. Deep(philosophical)-Dish(gossip). As the title suggests our topics are conversational, au courant4, and goes beyond the sensational and superficial.


Remember the saying “"Great minds discuss ideas . Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."5 Scrap the saying; it does not apply here. We’re going to discuss ideas, events, and people, but we’re going to elevate the conversation. We’re going to learn and re-learn; through learning expand our possibilities; and through expanding our possibilities transform our worlds. One idea, one moment, one person at a time. That person includes you, and me.


So let’s keep the conversation going…see where it goes. Sign up, share your thoughts, and welcome to DeepDish.






1 People That Matter: Mentors


2. Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


3. Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me


4. Au courant, French, translation--current, in the news


5. "Great minds discuss ideas . Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."

People That Matter: Mentors

Today observes acknowledgement for a special group of people.1 Some of these very special people are marked by a character of indirectly shaping others’ lives simply by who they are--the way they show up in the world. Others are marked by a character of directly impacting others by what they are about--they make it a conscious mission to give back. For the former group, they naturally gravitate the people they affect, and may not even be aware of the gift they are sharing unless someone says thank you. The latter group as well gravitate those who benefit from their being, but go further to seek out and help those they can improve by their compassion. They come from every walk of life, and often seem to be in just the right place at the right time to make a difference in someone’s life. They are your everyday heroes in the sentiment of Dr. Zimbardo’s view,2 they seek no glory, but their lives, and ours, are enriched because they ARE. This group of people for whom this day marks worthy recognition, they are Mentors.

Mentors are distinguished from role models in that they play an active, specific role in guiding and directing the course of a life or career. They take an interest in some aspect of a person’s life, work to find resolution, and stay the course as a touchstone of support. Many people influence our lives, but a mentor is one who remains when it counts. In seconds or 24 hours the moment to say thank you and acknowledge how someone made a difference in your life is a remarkable gift.

Acknowledgement is not an easy thing to do for fear and risk of not having adequate consideration for all the people that matter to us, or to whom we’ve mattered. Just look back on any awards show and see how awardees struggle to name their key influencers and supporters in a brief amount of time, under a spotlight for all to see, in a peak moment of elation in their career. I try do it often, sometimes awkwardly, because looking back and looking now, I know how fortunate I’ve been to have gained something meaningful to my improvement and well-being. No one is perfect, but we would hope to be remembered for the good we did, the things we shared, and how we transcended human foibles.

In the spirit of gratitude and thanks these are some of the people I mattered to, and have mattered to me:

• Theresa Hall - chaperone and debutante training that inspired confidence and self-esteem.
• Reverend Theophilus Joseph - you sowed the seeds of spirituality and they continue to flourish.
• Marie Fricot (my grandmother) - for setting my internal guidance system--faith, spirituality, family, community, health, education, compassion, service.
• Charles Rawlins, CPA - who initiated me into comprehensive, full cycle accounting services. Your supervision enabled me to develop professional instincts and entrepreneurial passion.
• Martin Nicholson - who took notice of my work in administrative assistance and guest services in the resort industry, while in college, and steered me into the management training program upon graduating. Hurricane Hugo was an unexpected game changer.
• Celine Joseph (my mother) - personal responsibility, work ethics, and unflagging dedication.

Sometimes mentors can reach beyond space and time. Their wisdom showed up right on time to help me evolve:

• Irvin Yalom - when I had no clue what to do in clinical training as a therapist, your books: Letters to Young Therapists and Their Clients, Group Counseling, and Lying on the Couch gave me the tools and confidence to help and do no harm.
• Tich Naht Hahn - reconciling Christ and Buddha, religion and spirituality
• Paramahansa Yogananda - revealing the secrets of the path of self-realization.
• Deepak Chopra - sharing the tools for balancing health, life, and self-realization.
• Wayne Dyer - for outlining the principles of effective living.
• Jesus - a ‘rich man’ with many good things to share without regard to status or creed.

It’s your turn now. Take time this week to acknowledge and thank your mentors.3 It matters.


 1. January is National Mentoring Month
2. The Psychology of Heroism
3. Who Mentored You

People That Matter: Haiti

This post was originally intended to make a sort of introduction in keeping with the "personal contact" theme of the intial post People That Matter(1/3/2010).  However, the catastrophe in Haiti overrides making acquaintance and demands our immediate involvement.  Crises can as well present 'en vivo' opportunities for bonding.

Although I believe in the wisdom of giving anonymously, the convenience and effectiveness of technology in fundraising efforts by the Red Cross and Wyclef Jean's Yele Haiti was impressive enough to mention. You too can text donations for Haiti relief from your cell phone. In addition to your donation amount, standard text messaging fees may apply.

Organizations accepting monetary donations by text messaging:*

Red Cross: Text HAITI to 90999 ($10 donation)
Clinton Foundation: Text HAITI to 20222 ($10 donation)
Yéle Haiti: Text YELE to 501501 ($5 donation)
United Way: Text HAITI to 864833 ($5 donation)
Intl Medical Corps: Text HAITI to 85944 ($10 donation)
World Food Program: Text: FRIENDS to 90999 ($5 donation)
UN Foundation: Text CERF to 90999 ($5 donation)
Compassion Intl: Text DISASTER to 85944 ($10 donation)
Intl Rescue Committee Text: HAITI to 25383 ($5 donation)
The Salvation Army: Text HAITI to 52000 ($10 donation)

From Canada:
Salvation Army in Canada: Text HAITI to 45678 ($5 donation)
Plan Canada: Text HAITI to 30333 ($5 donation)

From the United Kingdom:
Disasters Emergency Committee: Text GIVE to 70077 (£5 Pounds)

From France:
French Red Cross: Text HAITI to 80222 (1 Euro)

*This preceding list was provided by CNN online.

Follow this link to select from a list of organizations that are enabled to and are providing food, shelter, medical aid, and basic needs directly to quake victims in Haiti. Please refer to The Center for International Disaster Information for additional guidelines on appropriate donations. These established organizations are ways to take due care and avoid being victimized for your good intentions.~FBI Earthquake Fraud Alert

Give how you can, and if nothing else this simple blessing and intention to support does well:

May God supply all your need according to His riches in glory.~Phillipians 4:19

or

May all things needful be provided, and order and peace prevail.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how the quake and relief efforts have impacted you, your social network, and community.  Take care...

“People That Matter!”

“The people who are hardest to love are the ones who need it most.”
~Dan Millman, The Peaceful Warrior


Among the well wishes for the New Year one message appended to the usual platitudes, "and people who matter." Pause... Perhaps my first New Year resolution should be: don't sweat the small stuff...or just "let it go." Exhale…and deep breath… However, being someone who believes that the contacts in my phone directory, email lists, Facebook friends, and Twitter lists are there because of some importance and connection to me, I had to wonder about the sentiment which brought the message. What could I make of it to be true to my desire for community, and love for connection?

People Who Need People
There is a song that goes "people who need people are the luckiest people in the world." It seems to go against conventional sentiments about "needy" people...not to be confused with "desperate." If we substitute the catalytic phrase into the song does it still mean the same? "People who matter" to people are the luckiest people in the world. Well, darn. If it didn't go and change things around, just like that. With the substitution it's not the needy who are lucky, but those who are needed who matter. The juxtaposition seems to fit well into my view that paradox often points to the beginning of truth.

People who need people are some of the luckiest people in the world. They share the distinction with people who matter to people. Look closer and you see they go hand in hand, if not virtually similar. People who need people need to matter to someone, as do those who wish to matter to others require that they are needed. Our family, friends, employers, customers matter to us insofar as we need their love, loyalty, and support. Our need goes unfulfilled if we do not matter to them as they matter to us. Conversely, others may need us in ways that may not matter to us which leaves their need unfulfilled. Tragic, either way.

You're probably thinking "whoa! That's a lot to think about from a simple platitude." You're probably right, Eddie Reece would say, “you’re trying too hard.“ Yet I'm also thinking that we don't go about wishing "people who matter" to those we already matter to, and who matter to us. So before I go poking a stick in a hornet's nest asking an equally naïve "what did you mean by that" it seems prudent to take it into self-inquiry. (Note to self: must try to be more like others and just vent my emotions freely so I can be more human and appealing.) Any who...

Basic Instincts
Maslow ranks our need for belonging and connection just above basic physiological, and safety needs; before ambition and self-fulfilling instincts. That ranking implies how important it is to need others and to feel needed. Love and social connection seem vital to our personal and psychological integrity, but Maslow categorized the first four ranks of the hierarchy of needs, including our need for affection, as deficiency needs.1 Deficiency needs arise out of feelings of deprivation, real or imagined. So while group affiliation and coupling might improve chances of survival, procreation of the species, and drive productivity,2 it is still, relative to self-actualization, a reflexive psychobiological function.

Maslow ranked self-actualization, the process of individuation--becoming your own person or who you truly are, as man’s highest instinct. Self-actualization, or individuation, is not to be confused with egocentric drives, rather it encompasses self-discovery that realizes compassion, altruism, and unconditional positive regard for others. Self-actualization is not dependent on having met basic needs, but is ultimately expressed in service to goals that transcend self. Therefore, to begin talking about people who matter, we’re not talking about co-dependency, we’re talking about “love thy neighbor as thyself.”

R.S.V.P.
How, then, do we cultivate connections that matter without being burdened by the neediness of others, or being perceived (and avoided) as needy as well as its opposite--aloof ? What is the healthy balance between self-care and taking care of others? Is it luckiest to be needed or to need others as the song goes, the alternatives being callous indifference or healthy detachment? Can you become someone who matters to others (without becoming a doormat, of course)? How? If you're someone "who already has everything" can you still need people? How? "People who matter" says relatively "people who are valued," hence, does need predicate value, or can we value others, and be valued, beyond self-interest?

As you contemplate your answers consider the parable of a rich man who throws a dinner party and sends emissaries far and wide to invite the people important to him. On the day of the party, none of the invited guests showed up. They sent their regrets that property, investments, and family life needed them elsewhere. The man saw no recourse but to send his emissaries out to call everyone they could find in the streets and byways to come and enjoy the great banquet he’d prepared for his esteemed friends.3 The parable in this context serves as a caution to know how we matter to the people who are important to us, and to value those we matter to.

A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With the first Step
If you decide to take a journey into meaningful relationships, very timely at the beginning of a new year and a new decade, then consider the following questions proposed by Dr. Barton Goldsmith (Emotional Fitness).4

How am I treating the most important people in my life?
How can I give the best parts of myself to those I love?
(These questions presumes identifying the people who matter most to you, and to whom you matter most, any mismatches resolved.)

People whose lives depend on and revolve around relationship marketing--sales professionals and motivational experts--know the fundamentals. “The greatest single opportunity to increase retailer differentiation in a meaningful way -- and thereby to increase customer loyalty -- lies with the people who "touch" the customer, the power of contact.5

1. Be yourself
2. Start with common-ground subjects, and ask questions.
2. Listen carefully to understand other’s goals and concerns
3. Stand out as particularly helpful or knowledgeable
4. Use common courtesy
5. When you meet people start with a firm handshake and eye contact.
6. Take online social networking further by meeting with people you’ve established a deepening relationship.

To these I add, don’t expect noticeable changes right away, but be open to encouraging surprises. There are many others, as ourselves, who crave intimate connection, but either don’t know how or feel daunted to even try.

Just 10 Minutes A Day
If you’re rolling your eyes already, thinking who needs any more work in their lives…then consider the payoff when you revisit these same questions same time next year. How will your life and relationships be different if you took just 10 minutes a day to make a phone call, send an email, or write a thoughtful note to someone who matters to you, or someone who thinks you’re important to them? Just 10 minutes one day is all it takes to begin making a difference(Dr. Philip Zimbardo)6 and being the change you wish to see in the world.7

“Have a happy new year filled with love, good health, happiness, prosperity, and people that matter!” :)

Thank you for reading. Would love to have your thoughts and impressions on content, tone, and style.

Some resources:
1 The Five Levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
By Kendra Van Wagner, About.com Guide

2 People who need people are also the healthiest
By Dana Blankenhorn Dec 15, 2009

3 Parable of the Feast (Luke 14: 15-24, NAB)

4 Emotional Fitness (blog)
by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.

5 People Who Need People (blog)
by William J. McEwen

6 Northwest Flight 253: The Psychology of Heroism
By Mary Carmichael

7 Be the change you wish to see in the world.~Ghandi.